Secrets Revealed

Have you ever found out something about a person and had an immediate reaction to the news? I remember when I was in my freshman year of college, one morning I walked into the dorm bathroom and sleepily said hi to one of my friends that lived on the floor. The only problem was that it wasn’t my friend. It was her twin sister who had come to visit! I didn’t even know she had a twin! I remember thinking, “She doesn’t look like a twin”, which makes no sense but I automatically looked at her a little differently.

We all hide behind masks, covering those things that we don’t want others to know. For my friend, who was smart, funny, friendly, and looked like a supermodel, her secret was that she had a twin. A twin who she believed was more beautiful, more popular, smarter, and if others knew about her, would be chosen to be the friend instead. Hiding the fact that she had a twin sister was part of the mask that hid how extremely insecure and inferior she felt when around her sister. She waited until the end of our freshman year, when the friendships had been established and when she felt safe, to reveal her “secret”.

What about our secrets? We all have them. We all struggle and learn to hide details of what we have been through or have done. There are no guarantees how others will react when our secrets are revealed. So we move through our daily lives, playing a game, hiding it all. Shame or embarrassment may prevent us from sharing. Worrying how we will be looked at or treated keeps the secrets locked away. Why do we always think the worst? We always think that no one will understand, but so many times not only do they understand, but they have been there too.

Recently I discovered information about someone I know. The someone is not really a friend, but more than an acquaintance. I’ve known him 1-2 years, I know he attends a church fairly regularly, and I even know other people he knows. My impression was that he was a “nerdy” but ok sort of guy. I don’t know much about him and probably would never know much more. However, what I learned shocked me and truly made me think. I found out that he had been convicted of sexual abuse against a child, served his sentence, and is a registered Level 3 (highest risk for repeat offenses) sex offender!

Learning that my friend was a twin altered how I looked at her, even though she was still the same person. I could look beyond that. But what about learning that this man is a sex offender, with crimes against a child? Obviously I am more cautious now that I am aware, but should it completely change the way I look at him? I was sexually abused as a child. I know how that little girl felt. I know what she may still be and forever be struggling to deal with. Can I forgive my abuser? Can I forgive this man? Does it change how I look at him? How will I react when I learn of secrets that others have been hiding? How will they react when they learn of mine?

If I expect to feel secure when I am vulnerable, I must allow everyone else to be real. There can’t be a double standard. I think that’s one reason why taking off our masks, letting down our walls, and revealing our secrets is so hard. We’re so afraid how others will react because deep down, no matter how much we try to fight it, we look at people differently too. We can hide all our secrets away and struggle in silence or we can learn to understand and accept others (not necessarily their actions). 

Being vulnerable is a risk. Reaching out is a risk. Moving against the status quo is a risk. But when a connection is made, an attitude is changed, and a life is touched and saved, what is gained and experienced far outweighs any risk that ever existed.