Pornography: one woman looks
Posted by sharingburdens on June 19, 2007
Post written by: Alone
I am a single adult female. I wish I could find a man to love me but that has not happened. I am active in church, I love the Lord, I have many friends, but at night I am alone.
I like men. I have desires. I started looking at porn on the internet. It started one night after a date that didn’t go as planned. I liked him, but he didn’t have the same feelings. I got discouraged and lonely. I started imagining what it would be like for a man to want me. At first I looked a little, then I read stories, and I enjoyed it. But I felt a little guilty. A few nights ago I went into a chat room. Here were live men wanting to talk to me. No one would know. I started talking to a few men. It was exciting.
One man was particularly interested and asked if I wanted to cyber. I had an idea of what that meant, but I didn’t know for sure. I had never done this before. Cyber is short for cybersex. Anything goes and soon we were having a very X-rated chat.
I have needs. I have desires. Is that wrong? Part of me is guilty, but part of me enjoyed it. I live alone so it’s not like there is anyone who will ever find out. But this is not what God wants. I am angry at myself for following my urges but I am not sure I won’t do it again.
Am I the only one who has done this? Am I the only Christian who feels this way? How do I stop these feelings? The temptation to go back to the chat room will not go away. What do I do? I have prayed for God to forgive me. I have prayed for God to stop me from doing anything that he does not want me to do. I don’t know what else to do. Is there anyone else who struggles with this or am I the only one?
A friend said
Alone,
I just finished reading a book that was excellent in regards to dealing with sexual tempation, it’s called “Every Man’s Battle” by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. What I liked about the book was that it dealt with the sexual temptations that most Christians deal with: not hiring a prostitute or having an affair, but with looking with lust, having fantasies, or looking at pornography.
There is a book called “Every Woman’s Battle” that I think deals with the same subject but from a woman’s perspective. The only downside is that most of the book was written from a married perspective, but I think the principles would apply either way (they did in the man’s book).
You might want to check the book out, you should be able to find it in a Christian bookstore as the “Every Man Series” is well known and recommended.
You also might check out the resources at xxxchurch.com, they have a whole ministry in helping people overcome porn.
Meanwhile, I hope that folks here will be praying for you as you struggle with loneliness.
God bless you!
You're Not ALONE said
I have been married for several years and sometimes I feel alone. I have ventured out in the world. BUT.. God and I are conquering and so can you. Take the advice from the previous comments, they helped me. Pornography is not about men, it’s about people.
Hang in there.
anonymous said
If it makes you feel any better I was given a vibrator as a gag gift for my birthday last year. And I use it. On a regular basis. I’m a Christian and I know how it feels to struggle with sexual desire. I’ll be praying for you.
my reality said
The first thing I would say to you is that, you definitely are not alone in this struggle!! I think it’s even tougher for Christians to deal with because of the added guilt they feel from knowing it’s not something God would want them doing.
I would suggest asking a few of your close friends to help you with accountability. Ask them if you can call them when you feel the urge or temptation to go online. My guess is they’d be more than happy to help you in this way.
I agree with the last comment about the vibrator. God does provide ways of dealing with temptation and getting away from it, and in this case, a vibrator might be His answer (if He doesn’t bring along the perfect man for you right away).
Just remember you’re not struggling with this alone and you can reach out to others dealing with this online, just as easily as you can go to the cybersex. Find an online resource to help you if you’re not comfortable talking to someone face to face.
Just my thoughts. Keep praying and asking God to take away the urges too. Good luck!
Alone said
I will find the book, thank you. The comment about the vibrator confuses me. Isn’t that wrong too? I wnat to be pure and honor God. It is difficult. Thank you myreality for the advice reaching out online. Even now hearing from others has helped. I will keep praying.
Pornography and Christians « Sharing Burdens…Rindy Walton said
[...] and Christians June 21, 2007 at 7:07 pm | In Pornography, Secrets, Christian life, Sex | This post, written by “Alone” about her struggles with pornography online, has been a very [...]
A friend said
Alone,
I’m confused about the vibrator comment as well, or to be more accurate, by the whole issue of masturbation. I never really thought much about the issue until the “Every Man’s Battle” book where they counsel that even masturbation is wrong, especially since it usually involves mental fantasies. I know for a fact that the “Every Woman’s Battle” advises to not masturbate, just from a quick glance in the book. Previously I had seen masturbation as an acceptable way to release some pent up sexual frustration without resorting to fornication, and I’m sure that many people feel the same way. However, the book has me rethinking some of these thoughts. I’m sure that there is a lot of disagreement on this issue, namely, is masturbation an acceptable way to release sexual frustration, especially for those who for whatever reason can not release that energy through a spouse?
Anyone else have thoughts on the subject?
my reality said
I’m no expert on any of this, by any means, but I don’t think the Bible covers these subjects either (using a vibrator or masturbation). If you’re worried about “remaining pure” maybe you should talk to your pastor or a Christian counselor about these issues. I do know the Bible says that God will not allow you to be tempted beyond that which you cannot overcome and that He will provide a way out. Sometimes the problem is finding “God’s way out.”
Sorry if I offended anyone with the vibrator comment!
A Friend said
My Reality,
No offense taken, at least not on my part, and I’m glad you brought the subject up since it is one that is rarely discussed in church settings and is hard to figure out. As you mention, it’s not mentioned explicitly in the bible so there is a lot of room to reason on the matter. Is it an acceptable form of release for those who are celibate, or does it feed a sinful lust (since most people would fantasize when they masturbate, and since Jesus equates thoughts of the heart with action, etc.). It would make for a good discussion on the different views on this topic… might make a good seperate post (there’s your cue, Rindy, unless this is not the right kind of forum for something like that). In any case, there was no offense taken: this is the place to be open about your thoughts, after all. (And please, please, for the love of Peter, Paul and Mary, don’t anyone bring up Onan, perhaps the worse case of hermeneutics ever!).
my reality said
A Friend,
Thanks for the response!
Christians and sexual temptations « Sharing Burdens…Rindy Walton said
[...] Comments my reality on Pornography: one woman looksEnola on Surprised by the kindness of strangersA Friend on Pornography: one woman looksA wanna be [...]
A Friend said
Looks like there is now a seperate post for the masturbation topic: thanks Rindy, it could be a good discussion on a topic you’re not likely to hear a sermon on!
Jackson B. said
Upon first discovering this site I thought that I had finally found a site that could/would approach sexual issues with a view of really “looking deep” or whatever the term may be, at the issue for the individual without the individual being condemned for the thoughts. Now, after only scanning the comments I feel that maybe my first impression was erroneous. If I am wrong here, please enlighten me before I go any further. Or, plainly, what I am seeking is a place for Christians as well as Non-Christians to discuss in a mature, serious manner the subject of any sexual issue that may be troubling to that person. I’ve been married almost 25 years and what was once a redhot, passionate, satisfying sexual relationship has turned into almost the opposite. This has occured since my wife and I “got back” into a serious church mode. I am looking here for assistance since this appears to be a Christian based site and seems to be serious and not the usual cash-seeking porn location. If I need to continue searching, please let me know, either way. Thank You
Ang said
I think one thing that is missing from American society today, and ESPECIALLY American CHRISTIAN society, is the need for believers to socialize together as a body. I notice that a frequent symptom of sexual temptation is “aloneness!” We have become so individual in our lifestyles and preferences that we don’t realize that we need one another in so many ways. We need more than the utilitarian friendships and romances. I just joined a new church and their singles group last week. I found that being around uplifting people can be a great deterrent to sin. But we’ve substituted “cyber people” for real people and individual pursuits for “breaking bread together daily.” Wouldn’t it be great if your lifegroup met more than once a week? Think of the churches of Acts. Before you think of all the things that “have” to be done…that would make you too busy…how many of those things would you drop if God Himself announced He were coming to your house on Tuesdays and Fridays? Selfishness NEVER JUST AFFECTS YOU! When we all retreat into ourselves, it’s no wonder we’re more tempted by things. Reach out and uplift others! If everyone did this, far fewer people would feel alone. If far fewer people feel alone – the impact of temptation would be lessened. I’ve seen this in my own life. We’re a body….not individual, scattered cells. We should really think about this!