Self-Loathing
Posted by sharingburdens on October 15, 2007
Post written by: Anonymous
I am a Christian 48 yr old woman who struggles with self loathing, and negative self talk. I am currently on anti-depressants. This morning my husband and I were talking about why I feel the way I do. I am a perfectionist, and this type of thinking carries over into every area of life and I am tired of it!
We have 4 older children, and to this day, when I see them struggling, I feel responsible. I think to myself, I have failed as their mom, they wouldn’t be having this or that problem if I’d done a better job as their parent.
My prayer has been “teach me your way O Lord, help me to walk in Truth”. I would like to ask for prayer, that God would help me to understand how God’s Grace applies to my life….. that he would expose the “stink’n think’n” in my mind, because 99% of the time, it’s automatic, it’s subconscious, and I suspect I am not the only one who wrestles with this. I teach a class at a local women’s shelter, and when I shared the other day I am on medicine for my depression, two of the new women present said they were too.
If you were to meet me in person, you would never suspect I battle with these things. Anyone have any insight? Thanks for listening
Enola said
I went on a girls’ trip with seven friends this weekend. Late nights, hot tubs and relaxation will loosen tongues. Half of us there (me included) are on anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications. It doesn’t have the same stigma it did years ago. We all shared our struggles – thinking we are not “good enough” – whether it be a good enough spouse, mom, employee, friend, person, whatever. These are women who appear, from the outside, to have it all together. Lawyers, office managers, stay-at-home moms, accountants – all walks of life. Yet we had similar struggles.
I think one of the biggest problems in today’s society is the mis-perception that we (especially women) can have it all – and do it all. We are supposed to raise perfect children. We are supposed to run a seamless household. We are supposed to support our husbands. And do it all flawlessly.
If you look back at Genesis, it goes back to the fall of man. Women are going to struggle with control. I think control is related to perfectionism. Luckily, God doesn’t call us to be perfect. That’s impossible. If we were capable of being perfect, there’d be no need for Christ. Look at the men and women God used – David, with his repeated sins; Moses who had a total lack of self-confidence; Jonah who struggled with control repeatedly; a prostitute named Rahab — none of these individuals were any better than us.
I pray that you will become more aware of the “stink’n think’n” and that when it comes, you will recognize it for what it is – unGodly intrusions in your life. Pray those unGodly messages away. Often you can find a Bible verse that directly speaks to that issue/topic (they make books which organize Bible verses by topic).
When you struggle with being a good Mom – remember this example. Even Billy Graham’s son, Franklin, had a rebellious period. I suspect that Billy and Ruth Graham are two of the most Godly people around. Yet their son had his “wild time.” He’s come around now. It’s not being a perfect parent that results in a “good” child – sometimes children need to struggle. It’s in those times of struggle that we often find the deep lessons of faith and life that we need.
(((Hugs))) YOu are absolutely not the only one to battle these thoughts. Hang in there.
To All – next time I post a message like this – remind me of what I just wrote. Ironic how it’s much easier to give this advice to someone else, rather than take it for myself!
Joni Ruhs said
You are not alone. It took a good therapist, antidepressants, renewal in faith and patience to make some changes in my life. My therapist helped me to identify the source when those feelings and negativity came on. Many times there was a hurtful thing done or said to me that I had just glossed over because I don’t like to admit that someone hurt me. I let myself sit in the bad feelings for a few minutes and then PRACTICED positive self talk. I thought it was silly at first but practicing being positive–even when I didn’t FEEL positive–helped down the road. AA has a saying “fake it til you make it”. My therapist also asked me why I was giving the negative so much power by believing it. That was eye opening that I could make a choice not to believe it. And, for a short time, I had to separate myself from friendships or acquaintances that were dragging me down until I was stronger to handle their own negativity. Probably the biggest change was to write down a few scripture verses about God’s feelings toward me and post them around the house(Psalm 139 for starters). I constantly filled my mind with the truth. BIG MAJOR DIFFERENCE. Sorry for the how-to’s. I’ve struggled with the same and still do here and there. Just now its the exception to my life and not the rule. God bless you and your vulnerability. That’s a HUGE step to freedom!!!
anonymous author of post said
I really appreciate the feedback I got ! They were both “keepers”. Thank you for taking the time to come along side me, I was encouraged.
anonymouse said
I am 19 and struggling with thoughts of suicide. I don’t…well i do understand why. I grew up in an abusive family. I never really understood, nor do i now understand what it means to be have parents who knew how to love. Infact i only have a mother and two step fathers. i usually don’t state my problems on the internet like this….but when I read your story i felt so comforted. Thank you. Thank you for giving me the boldness to say what i did. I am off of work til august becuase I dislocated my knee, and am afraid that by Aug. my depression which has been growing all year long, and has finally come to this point will not fade. I am afraid that if I still feel this way by aug. i might have to take more time off and becuase of my mental and emotional instability. I would then take anti-depressants. Thank you for saying that about yourself too. Thank you so much.