Experiencing the journey…

I want to thank all of you who have written, commented on, or read this blog. I started it as an outlet for anyone to express the things they were struggling with in a safe and supportive atmosphere. I have “met” many of you through this blog and it is wonderful! I also know that some have said how this site has helped. That is awesome!!

The last post was in December. I have been working as part of the leadership of a new church and will soon be moving from western NY to the Cincinnati area to help start the church. Over the past 10 months, we’ve been working on systems, developing programs, working on budget stuff, etc and I’ve been traveling, learning, studying and doing all I can!! What’s awesome is as I move into full time ministry, I get to spend the rest of my life helping people who are where I once was get to where I am now! No more shame, no embarrassment, and no more hiding anything.

Today I can stand free from all the coping skills that I had learned, free from suicidal thoughts, free from struggling to make it through each and every day, all while acting like I had it all together. Instead, I can be honest, open, and transparent, willing to talk about it all and reach out to anyone who is going through anything I’ve been through.

I’ve been through tons of abuse, both growing up and in my marriage, rejection, depression, anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks and you name it. My coping skills included alcohol, drugs (illegal when younger, prescription as older), self-injury, eating disorders, suicidal “stuff”, and probably a handful more! Today I am healed. Today I no longer have to rely on my own strength. Today I want others to experience what I am now living. It’s awesome!

So I thank you for participating on this blog. I invite you, if you haven’t already, check out and join in at my blog at rindywalton.com. Jump in and comment and you can make it easy by subscribing by email to follow the journey. See ya over there!!

Forgive and forget??

Post written by: Anonymous

I am an abuse survivor.  At church, we have been doing a series on prayer and specifically, the Lord’s prayer. Tonight was on the verse about “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.”   My pastor said that the “AS” means that we are forgiven AS we forgive others. He talked about forgiving seven times seventy and that our sins are as “far as the east is from the west”.  He said that we needed to forgive others – everyone – whether they have physically, emotionally or otherwise wronged us. And that forgiveness meant wiping it clean and forgetting about it – put it as far away as the east is from the west — that it doesn’t exist any longer – to “forgive and forget.”  The pastor said that our sins are forgiven AS we forgive others that have wronged us. He said that God hears the prayers of the righteous and that we should not (can not?) pray until we have forgiven others – that God will not hear us until we are cleansed of unforgiveness.
 
Is that right?  Is our forgiveness conditional? Our ability to have our prayers heard conditional?
I need help on this one.  Is “forgive and forget” mandated?  Where is that in the Bible?

Self-Loathing

Post written by: Anonymous

    I am a Christian 48 yr old woman who struggles with self loathing, and negative self talk.  I am currently on anti-depressants.  This morning my husband and I were talking about why I feel the way I do. I am a perfectionist, and this type of thinking carries over into every area of life and I am tired of it! 

      We have 4 older children, and to this day, when I see them struggling, I feel responsible.  I think to myself, I have failed as their mom, they wouldn’t be having this or that  problem if I’d done a better job as their parent. 

        My prayer has been “teach me your way O Lord,  help me to walk in Truth”.  I would like to ask for prayer, that God would help me to understand  how God’s Grace applies to my life….. that he would expose the “stink’n think’n” in my mind, because 99% of the time, it’s automatic, it’s subconscious, and I suspect I am not the only one who wrestles with this. I teach a class at a local women’s shelter, and when I shared the other day I am on medicine for my depression, two of the new women present said they were too.

    If you were to meet me in person, you would never suspect I battle with these things.  Anyone have any insight?  Thanks for listening

Is unhappiness a “good enough” reason for divorce?

 Post written by: Anonymous

Christians aren’t “supposed” to get divorced.  Except in rare cases, like adultery.  At least that is what I have been taught.  It is what I believed when I got married.  I have seen the statistics that children are better in divorced, happy homes than in homes where parents stay together just for the children.  I’ve known couples that stay together and maintain a friendship of sorts.  I’ve known couples that have stayed together miserable just because they thought they were supposed to do that.

My spouse is not abusive, mean, a bad person, an adulterer or any of those other labels.  My spouse refuses to grow up. Wants to be a child. Resents working all day, coming home, cooking dinner, cleaning up, dealing with children and the other such things that come along with being an adult.  My spouse would rather visit their childhood home.  Where meals appear on plates, all cut up and fixed. Where sleeping in is expected and there are no adult responsibilities.  My spouse promises to grow up.  And does better for a little while. Then falls back into the same pattern. Counseling has not helped except to prolong the cycle just a little while.

My spouse is not a bad person – just immature.  Childish.  Never had to grow up.  Doesn’t know how to take responsibility.  Doesn’t want to learn how to take responsibility. Has a “what is in it for me” attitude.  Very selfish.

It’s not a horrible, huge problem in the scheme of things.  But I’m not happy.  At what point does my happiness come into play?  Are Christians supposed to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of staying married?  Is there ever a “good enough” reason to get divorced because you are unhappy?

What’s a father to do??

Post written by: DM 

Is there a place for a Christian dad to get physical in addressing sexual harrassment in the life of his daughter?

I know from reading the blog that several of your readers still are working through various types of abuse and it is such a relevant topic given the state of our culture today.  I have a slightly different perspective on the whole thing and wrote about it yesterday after coming home for lunch and hearing about something that happened w/ one of my daughters.  I am a Christian dad. (I’m 49) ..when I was 21  the lights came on for me spiritually…I am not just a religious person but had a genuine conversion  experience…in my case, there was a “before” and “after”… I say all of that to preface what I wanted to say next.         

Nothing prepared me as a  Christian dad for the times my daughters have been sexually harassed (and in one case physically assaulted)…..it takes ALOT to get me angry….I mean alot, and this is one of those things that will set me off.  I know it says in Romans  to not return evil for evil…rather  leave it to God who will in the ultimate sense repay the wrong doer…. but as a father of 3 beautiful young ladies,(27,25,21)  there is still a part of me that would get in someone’s face and even hurt them if it came to that, if things got testy.  I know that doesn’ sound very mature as a Christian.    And yet,  Sometimes I think there is just a little too much doormat in our understanding of the Christian’s response to evil….could we open it up to further discussion. ? 

Here is my story:

 I am a dad to 3 beautiful daughers.  They have all grown up  and moved out,  the oldest is home this week visiting with our granddaughter.   Today for the 7th time in my life I got wind that someone had sexually harassed one of them.   It takes a lot to get me angry, and this is one of those situations.  As she was coming to our house , a semi driver driving a fuel tanker began to honk and attempt to get her attention.  At first she (my daugher) thought  there was something wrong w/ her car and he was trying to get her attention. She tried to pass and he sped up the truck so she decided to get behind him  at which point, he started to slow down….this went on for several minutes until she finally got to her exit….he was still honking and making gestures as he continued on.     I asked her if she knew the name of the trucking company..yep, it is _ _ _ _ _..the name was on the mudflaps. …so, armed with that information, I got onto the internet, typed in the name of the company, found their website and e-mailed them this note:

To Whom it may concern, Today is July 19 2007. I just got home for lunch to the news that my 27 yr old daughter was “propositioned” by one of your fuel truck drivers as he was driving North on Hwy *** between A.  and B . she said that as she was passing him (it is a divided highway) he honked at her and continued to indicate something was up. She thought maybe there was something wrong w/ her car and he was signing her to pull over….This went on for several minutes. She slowed down but eventually decided just to pass him. As she did, he made a gesture which she took to mean he wanted sex. she had out of state plates so it probably looked like she was traveling across country. I’m not sure how easy it would be to identify who the driver was, but she said it was a semi fuel truck w/**** mudflaps. Needless to say, as her dad I would like to give the trucker a piece of my mind. My daughter also was carrying my grandchiid in the car with her and the whole thing shook her (my daugher up) Any thing you can do to address this situation would be appreciated. DM     

The other 6 situations all make my bloodpressure rise if I allow myself to dwell on them.  In 4 of the other situations where the girls were harassed I took the bull by the horns and confronted someone.  A 5th situation resulted in a trip to an emergency room and a call to the police.  In the 6th case,  we didn’t do anything because of various circumstances….but nothing prepares you as a dad for this sort of thing….nothing….Anyway, this is not one of those “upbeat” positive thinking posts as much as me needing to vent………..I’m HOPING the trucking company will in fact track down the driver and he and I get to have an eyeball to eyeball visit before it’s all done.    

What do you think? What should a father do?

Link to the original writing: http://hearttoheart.wordpress.com/2007/07/19/when-sexual-harassment-comes-knocking/

What the *#@*^!?!

Post written by: Anonymous

I have a secret that doesn’t sound like a big deal but I hate it!! When I get upset or really frustrated, I have a “mouth like a trucker”. I swear too much. I don’t do it in regular conversations but when something happens, words just come out. I feel terrible because it is usually directed toward the ones I love the most, especially my kids. I always apologize and tell them I really don’t mean to use those words, but I know it still hurts them. I hate it! I absolutely do not mean what I say. Now my teenager has started doing it to me. I know he really doesn’t mean it, but it hurts.

I am a good mom. I love my kids and I do everything with my kids. They are the most important people to me and I would lay down my life for them. They know that I would. We have great talks, we love being together, and we thoroughly enjoy each other. So why do I have to curse? The words blurt out before I can stop them. What can I do? Am I the only mother who does this? Any ideas how I can stop?

I need your help!

I need your help! The purpose of this site is this:

 We all struggle with issues that we find embarrassing or shameful. We might feel guilt or remorse, or know humiliation and regret. We all hide these behind masks and walls. This site is a place to be honest and real. It is a site where you can be yourself and share your difficulties. It is a place to gain awareness and insight. It is a safe place to express and discuss and know that you are not alone.

I love to be challenged to find resources, Biblical references, and to encourage discussion on any topic. I need your help deciding what topics! Some of you have written some great stuff, others have commented, and even more have read (and I hope been encouraged or challenged yourself).

What topics would you like to see more information, references, resources, or discussion about? Maybe you don’t want to write something yourself or can’t quite put it into words—I can help get the discussions started.

Some topics discussed so far include: alcoholism, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, mental illness, insecurity, disabilities, self-injury, emotional abuse, domestic violence, pornography, suicide, and more. The list of potential topics is endless.

Comment and let me know!!! Remember it can always be anonymous (even email: anon@anonymous.com or friend@friend.com or any other combo!). I’m looking forward to your responses!!

Quick Link

My blogging friend Joni has written an awesome post about her struggle to get pregnant titled If you will, I will. It is a story of disappointment, depression, questioning and ultimately faith and obedience in God. All of this while she was a leader in her church and comforting others. Hope exists in all situations. Give it a read…

Christians and sexual temptations

The post Pornography: one woman looks has generated a lot of views and comments. ‘Alone’ wrote that she struggles with sexual temptations as a single woman. The Silent Killer in Our Churches at Monday Morning Insight reveals statistics about struggles with pornography among Christians, both men and women. Comments on this blog have also shifted to questions about masturbation. The purpose of this blog is to provide a safe place for talking about issues that exist but are hidden behind walls and masks. So I’ve done some reading and here’s what I’ve found to get the discussion started:

From The Woman’s Study Bible (NKJV) study notes:

• “some consider it a means of reducing excessive sexual tension when the normal sexual activity of married life is unavailable or as an alternative for promiscuity or fornication”

• “…such self-gratification may originate in lustful fantasies for selfish pleasure”

• “moral and psychological ramification can prove disruptive to a relationship with God as well as others”

Verses in The Bible (NLT):

• 1 Corinthians 6:12 You say “I am allowed to do anything”–but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything

• 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor…Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife…God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives.

• 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

• Matthew 5:27-28 You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Pornography, chat rooms, masturbation, fantasizing…are they acceptable? Or are they violating God’s will and plan? Scripture doesn’t explicitly condone or condemn certain specific acts, but can we surmise what is meant?

One more thought: Just because we have certain normal desires, doesn’t mean we must give in to them or satisfy the desires. Temptations exist all around us.

• 1 Corinthians 10:13 The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand.

What are your thoughts?

A wanna be swan (2)

Post written by: Swan

On the burden scale, the thing I’ve been “stuffing” is not as gut wrenching as some of the heartaches your readers are carrying….But I’m still stuck and I figured this is the place to share it…so here goes….    

 I wrote the “a wanna be swan” note last week….so read that if you want some additional insight into me.  July 6th and 7th is my spouse’s 30’s class reunion and candidly I    HATE   going to these things  but usually try to push past my fears and insecurities, thinking maybe by now some of the class jerks will have grown up.  We attended the alumni banquet a couple of weeks ago, and it just confirmed to me why I don’t like going..   One of the class “jocks” sat right across the table from us and flirted w/ the date of a shy fellow classmate.  It made me mad,    there wasn’t even any alcohol @ this event and still he acted like a jerk.

      As a “Christian”  I know I’m supposed to be Christ’s ambassador…I’m supposed to reach out to those that don’t know him, attempt to be a good witness/ let my “light” shine, bla, bla, bla.  The “love” of Christ is “supposed”  to compel me to do this…well, what if after five class reunions  (5th, 10th,15th, 20th, 25th) I still hate attending?  I loath these events.  I suspect most people who feel like I do just don’t go.   I wasn’t picked on in school, thank God,  rather as I said in my first post, I felt “invisible” when I was in school….the high light of my whole 4 years in high school  was playing in the jazz band…whoopie.  Several years ago, I realized I had some unforgiveness in my heart toward several of my former classmates and I made an intentional effort to forgive them, which I honestly feel I did.  So, as we approach  the July 6th and 7th activities , we are going…my spouse was asked to organize this next event so not going isn’t an option.  There is a little social phobia mixed in with this I’m sure.   I don’t drink anymore (not that I’m a tea totaler, but I no longer like to go out and get drunk so it does get a little “weird” at some of these  events the later in the evening.)   Somebody help me out….any suggestions?  Do you find yourself attending these types of events and yet feeling like I do?  What would you do to  have a good experience?  Maybe I need a little Prozac or Zoloft ?    (I’m not on anything except caffeine)  Thanks for listening!    The wanna be swan.