I want to thank all of you who have written, commented on, or read this blog. I started it as an outlet for anyone to express the things they were struggling with in a safe and supportive atmosphere. I have “met” many of you through this blog and it is wonderful! I also know that some have said how this site has helped. That is awesome!!
The last post was in December. I have been working as part of the leadership of a new church and will soon be moving from western NY to the Cincinnati area to help start the church. Over the past 10 months, we’ve been working on systems, developing programs, working on budget stuff, etc and I’ve been traveling, learning, studying and doing all I can!! What’s awesome is as I move into full time ministry, I get to spend the rest of my life helping people who are where I once was get to where I am now! No more shame, no embarrassment, and no more hiding anything.
Today I can stand free from all the coping skills that I had learned, free from suicidal thoughts, free from struggling to make it through each and every day, all while acting like I had it all together. Instead, I can be honest, open, and transparent, willing to talk about it all and reach out to anyone who is going through anything I’ve been through.
I’ve been through tons of abuse, both growing up and in my marriage, rejection, depression, anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks and you name it. My coping skills included alcohol, drugs (illegal when younger, prescription as older), self-injury, eating disorders, suicidal “stuff”, and probably a handful more! Today I am healed. Today I no longer have to rely on my own strength. Today I want others to experience what I am now living. It’s awesome!
So I thank you for participating on this blog. I invite you, if you haven’t already, check out and join in at my blog at rindywalton.com. Jump in and comment and you can make it easy by subscribing by email to follow the journey. See ya over there!!
I love music. So many times the lyrics put thoughts into the right words and emotions. “Beautiful disaster” is such a contradictory description, yet when you think about it, it fits so many people. Check it out (just click on it, then on the message and it will start):
I need your help! The purpose of this site is this:
We all struggle with issues that we find embarrassing or shameful. We might feel guilt or remorse, or know humiliation and regret. We all hide these behind masks and walls. This site is a place to be honest and real. It is a site where you can be yourself and share your difficulties. It is a place to gain awareness and insight. It is a safe place to express and discuss and know that you are not alone.
I love to be challenged to find resources, Biblical references, and to encourage discussion on any topic. I need your help deciding what topics! Some of you have written some great stuff, others have commented, and even more have read (and I hope been encouraged or challenged yourself).
What topics would you like to see more information, references, resources, or discussion about? Maybe you don’t want to write something yourself or can’t quite put it into words—I can help get the discussions started.
Some topics discussed so far include: alcoholism, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, mental illness, insecurity, disabilities, self-injury, emotional abuse, domestic violence, pornography, suicide, and more. The list of potential topics is endless.
Comment and let me know!!! Remember it can always be anonymous (even email: anon@anonymous.com or friend@friend.com or any other combo!). I’m looking forward to your responses!!
My blogging friend Joni has written an awesome post about her struggle to get pregnant titled If you will, I will. It is a story of disappointment, depression, questioning and ultimately faith and obedience in God. All of this while she was a leader in her church and comforting others. Hope exists in all situations. Give it a read…
So here goes. I’m not little miss perfect, and I don’t claim to be. I’ve
had my share of disappointments and hardships. I grew up in a home with an
alcoholic father who was always on the brink of “sobering up.” (Except it
hasn’t actually happened yet.) My mom and him are not together anymore
(definitely for the better,) and truthfully, I’ve repressed so many memories
that I couldn’t even tell you when they split. When I was younger
(elementary/middle school) I was ashamed of my family. I got so good at
hiding the truth that my dad was gone for a year and my friends didn’t even
know there was a problem. It’s not that I ever flat out lied (those of you
that know me know I’m the WORST liar everrrr) but I never told the whole
truth.
So I guess the point of the previous paragraph is to prove to all you
readers out there that I have not lived the fairy tale life… With that
being said, I don’t understand why people can’t focus more on the good than
the bad. I mean, there are many things in life that stink, and most of the
time you can’t control them. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies…
but why are people so obsessed with focusing on the bad things… or better
yet, the things they can’t control? Why don’t people spend more time
focusing on the things that are good and/or positive in their life, and the
situations they can control!? I’m not saying people should pretend the bad
or uncontrollable don’t exist, but I think it’s depressing and somewhat
pointless to put so much energy into worrying about something you can’t
control or something that makes you sad.
*Worry is interest paid on a debt you may never have*
Continuing on about my dad… I’m not ashamed any more because through the
years I’ve realized that I’m not the only one with a dysfunctional family.
I would never trade my childhood because while I’ve had my share of
disappointments, I’ve had just as many, if not more, moments of pure joy. I
grew up in the greatest neighborhood EVER and had so much fun being a kid.
What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Watching my mom struggle
through the years has also made me respect her strength and perseverence.
It has also taught me a lot about myself, my morals and beliefs and what I
want out of a relationship/marriage in the future. It still hurts sometimes
when I think that my dad chose “that” way of life over our family, but the
whole process only made me agile and resilient.
We are all put in tough situations, but how you cope under pressure is 99%
of the battle. Think ahead and focus on the positive things! Stop worrying
about things you cannot control. Everything happens for a reason and what
doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger!
I guess it’s only fair that I get things rolling on this site by telling where I am at…
Last week I shared “my story” for the first time ever at our Thursday night worship service. God is so amazing! I still can’t believe I did it and I wasn’t even very nervous. I was the speaker! About two years ago I couldn’t even say most of the stuff to myself. Thursday I stood up there and God definitely took over! The best part is that I know for sure that I connected with at least one person and am pretty convinced there were more.
I still struggle with a lot of “junk”, but it’s getting better. The walls are beginning to come down and now I am beginning to reach out to others who struggle. That is incredible! Crushed, broken, failures, faults, scars and all…this is all I’ve got.
Hear my story, the reason behind this blog! You can link here and click on “This is all I’ve got (Part 2)” to download. Just remember, most of what I said I’ve never said in front of people before!
I would really love to hear what you think. (But nothing about the stumbling on words ) That part is sure to improve!
) That part is sure to improve!