Experiencing the journey…

I want to thank all of you who have written, commented on, or read this blog. I started it as an outlet for anyone to express the things they were struggling with in a safe and supportive atmosphere. I have “met” many of you through this blog and it is wonderful! I also know that some have said how this site has helped. That is awesome!!

The last post was in December. I have been working as part of the leadership of a new church and will soon be moving from western NY to the Cincinnati area to help start the church. Over the past 10 months, we’ve been working on systems, developing programs, working on budget stuff, etc and I’ve been traveling, learning, studying and doing all I can!! What’s awesome is as I move into full time ministry, I get to spend the rest of my life helping people who are where I once was get to where I am now! No more shame, no embarrassment, and no more hiding anything.

Today I can stand free from all the coping skills that I had learned, free from suicidal thoughts, free from struggling to make it through each and every day, all while acting like I had it all together. Instead, I can be honest, open, and transparent, willing to talk about it all and reach out to anyone who is going through anything I’ve been through.

I’ve been through tons of abuse, both growing up and in my marriage, rejection, depression, anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks and you name it. My coping skills included alcohol, drugs (illegal when younger, prescription as older), self-injury, eating disorders, suicidal “stuff”, and probably a handful more! Today I am healed. Today I no longer have to rely on my own strength. Today I want others to experience what I am now living. It’s awesome!

So I thank you for participating on this blog. I invite you, if you haven’t already, check out and join in at my blog at rindywalton.com. Jump in and comment and you can make it easy by subscribing by email to follow the journey. See ya over there!!

I need your help!

I need your help! The purpose of this site is this:

 We all struggle with issues that we find embarrassing or shameful. We might feel guilt or remorse, or know humiliation and regret. We all hide these behind masks and walls. This site is a place to be honest and real. It is a site where you can be yourself and share your difficulties. It is a place to gain awareness and insight. It is a safe place to express and discuss and know that you are not alone.

I love to be challenged to find resources, Biblical references, and to encourage discussion on any topic. I need your help deciding what topics! Some of you have written some great stuff, others have commented, and even more have read (and I hope been encouraged or challenged yourself).

What topics would you like to see more information, references, resources, or discussion about? Maybe you don’t want to write something yourself or can’t quite put it into words—I can help get the discussions started.

Some topics discussed so far include: alcoholism, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, mental illness, insecurity, disabilities, self-injury, emotional abuse, domestic violence, pornography, suicide, and more. The list of potential topics is endless.

Comment and let me know!!! Remember it can always be anonymous (even email: anon@anonymous.com or friend@friend.com or any other combo!). I’m looking forward to your responses!!

Before-After-Hidden

Post written by: Enola

The two previous posts hit home with me.  The one post talks about there needing to be a difference between your Before Christ (BC) and your After Christ (AC) life.  I became a Christian in 1995. From the outside looking in, there is a huge difference in how I live my life.  But, the problems on the inside remained the same.

The poster prior to mine mentioned not being noticed.  That was me. To outsiders, I had it all. Made the softball team, in the Gifted classes at school, editor of yearbook.  All these wonderful acolades.  What they didn’t realize was that I was the last person to make the softball team and all the girls hated me because I beat out their friend.  Made fun of me so much, that I quit halfway through the season.  Yes, I was in the Gifted classes. We had about 15 kids in those classes. I graduated 13th from high school. So in all MY classes, I was the dumb one. The person no one wanted to be stuck with on a project.  I was editor of the yearbook, but only because I was the only senior in the group. Oh, and because I “couldn’t handle” it on my own, there was a junior year co-leader.  So yes, on paper I look great. But when you look behind the paper, I am just average. Felt below average most of the time too.

BC I partied hard, lots of boyfriends, struggled with obeying rules, snuck out, cursed like a sailor and lots of other “non-Sunday school” things.  In my AC life, I am a good girl.  Don’t use foul language (most of the time), read my Bible, active in church, only drink socially, and obey the rules. I am valued for my education and my job – for my ability to get things done.  People come to me to help them solve things.  They come to me to lead certain events.  To be in charge.

Little do these people know that there isn’t that much difference between the Before and After.  It’s just that all the bad stuff is hidden.  My AC people don’t know that I self-injure. Boy would they be shocked.  I feel ashamed sitting there in church listening to the preacher talk about Christ shedding His blood when just the night before, I shed my own.  They don’t know I struggle with panic attacks and am on a whole slew of medication. That just “praying it better” hasn’t worked for me.  They don’t know that there was a time I didn’t believe in God’s existence.

If my BC friends and AC friends got together and described me, it would be as if there were two different persons. Little do any of them know that there is just one me. Stuck in the middle and a combination of both.