I need your help!

I need your help! The purpose of this site is this:

 We all struggle with issues that we find embarrassing or shameful. We might feel guilt or remorse, or know humiliation and regret. We all hide these behind masks and walls. This site is a place to be honest and real. It is a site where you can be yourself and share your difficulties. It is a place to gain awareness and insight. It is a safe place to express and discuss and know that you are not alone.

I love to be challenged to find resources, Biblical references, and to encourage discussion on any topic. I need your help deciding what topics! Some of you have written some great stuff, others have commented, and even more have read (and I hope been encouraged or challenged yourself).

What topics would you like to see more information, references, resources, or discussion about? Maybe you don’t want to write something yourself or can’t quite put it into words—I can help get the discussions started.

Some topics discussed so far include: alcoholism, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, mental illness, insecurity, disabilities, self-injury, emotional abuse, domestic violence, pornography, suicide, and more. The list of potential topics is endless.

Comment and let me know!!! Remember it can always be anonymous (even email: anon@anonymous.com or friend@friend.com or any other combo!). I’m looking forward to your responses!!

Quick Link

My blogging friend Joni has written an awesome post about her struggle to get pregnant titled If you will, I will. It is a story of disappointment, depression, questioning and ultimately faith and obedience in God. All of this while she was a leader in her church and comforting others. Hope exists in all situations. Give it a read…

To tell or not to tell

Post written by: Anonymous

What if they find out? What if all my friends knew that I spent time in a hospital? Not any hospital, a psych hospital. I am a leader in my church and no one knows this. I was suicidal, had severe depression and anxiety, and could barely function. I am doing much better, but I feel like I am hiding a big part of who I am. If I am dating, when do I tell? Do I have to tell anyone at all? I don’t want to hide it but I don’t know what people will think. Will they push me away? Will they ask me to step down? If my relationship gets serious, will it then end?

What would you do if you were me? What would you do if you were my friend and you found out? What would you do if you were dating me? Would it change everything? What about church? I need feedback.

Christians and sexual temptations

The post Pornography: one woman looks has generated a lot of views and comments. ‘Alone’ wrote that she struggles with sexual temptations as a single woman. The Silent Killer in Our Churches at Monday Morning Insight reveals statistics about struggles with pornography among Christians, both men and women. Comments on this blog have also shifted to questions about masturbation. The purpose of this blog is to provide a safe place for talking about issues that exist but are hidden behind walls and masks. So I’ve done some reading and here’s what I’ve found to get the discussion started:

From The Woman’s Study Bible (NKJV) study notes:

• “some consider it a means of reducing excessive sexual tension when the normal sexual activity of married life is unavailable or as an alternative for promiscuity or fornication”

• “…such self-gratification may originate in lustful fantasies for selfish pleasure”

• “moral and psychological ramification can prove disruptive to a relationship with God as well as others”

Verses in The Bible (NLT):

• 1 Corinthians 6:12 You say “I am allowed to do anything”–but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything

• 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7 God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor…Never harm or cheat a Christian brother in this matter by violating his wife…God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives.

• 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

• Matthew 5:27-28 You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Pornography, chat rooms, masturbation, fantasizing…are they acceptable? Or are they violating God’s will and plan? Scripture doesn’t explicitly condone or condemn certain specific acts, but can we surmise what is meant?

One more thought: Just because we have certain normal desires, doesn’t mean we must give in to them or satisfy the desires. Temptations exist all around us.

• 1 Corinthians 10:13 The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand.

What are your thoughts?

A wanna be swan (2)

Post written by: Swan

On the burden scale, the thing I’ve been “stuffing” is not as gut wrenching as some of the heartaches your readers are carrying….But I’m still stuck and I figured this is the place to share it…so here goes….    

 I wrote the “a wanna be swan” note last week….so read that if you want some additional insight into me.  July 6th and 7th is my spouse’s 30’s class reunion and candidly I    HATE   going to these things  but usually try to push past my fears and insecurities, thinking maybe by now some of the class jerks will have grown up.  We attended the alumni banquet a couple of weeks ago, and it just confirmed to me why I don’t like going..   One of the class “jocks” sat right across the table from us and flirted w/ the date of a shy fellow classmate.  It made me mad,    there wasn’t even any alcohol @ this event and still he acted like a jerk.

      As a “Christian”  I know I’m supposed to be Christ’s ambassador…I’m supposed to reach out to those that don’t know him, attempt to be a good witness/ let my “light” shine, bla, bla, bla.  The “love” of Christ is “supposed”  to compel me to do this…well, what if after five class reunions  (5th, 10th,15th, 20th, 25th) I still hate attending?  I loath these events.  I suspect most people who feel like I do just don’t go.   I wasn’t picked on in school, thank God,  rather as I said in my first post, I felt “invisible” when I was in school….the high light of my whole 4 years in high school  was playing in the jazz band…whoopie.  Several years ago, I realized I had some unforgiveness in my heart toward several of my former classmates and I made an intentional effort to forgive them, which I honestly feel I did.  So, as we approach  the July 6th and 7th activities , we are going…my spouse was asked to organize this next event so not going isn’t an option.  There is a little social phobia mixed in with this I’m sure.   I don’t drink anymore (not that I’m a tea totaler, but I no longer like to go out and get drunk so it does get a little “weird” at some of these  events the later in the evening.)   Somebody help me out….any suggestions?  Do you find yourself attending these types of events and yet feeling like I do?  What would you do to  have a good experience?  Maybe I need a little Prozac or Zoloft ? 🙂   (I’m not on anything except caffeine)  Thanks for listening!    The wanna be swan.

Surprised by the kindness of strangers

Post written by: Jamieson Wolf

A French Remedy
Surprised by the Kindness of Strangers

I am continually surprised by people.

I suffer from Cerebral Palsy. My legs have been getting worse. Some days now it hurts to walk with every step and stairs have become my enemy. I find myself dreading the moment I arrive home and have to climb up the forty stairs it takes to reach my apartment.

By the time I reach the top I am out of breath from trying to keep walking, forcing my body to do what it apparently does not want to do. It is the same each morning, going to work, where I can feel the muscles in my legs start to convulse almost the moment I am out of the door.

I have tried walking at a slower pace, walking faster. I have tried breathing exercises, counting, trying to convince myself that I cannot feel the pain. Nothing seems to be working.

The other morning was no different. Walking through the market, I felt my leg muscles start to contract and expand, contract and expand. Each step was becoming more painful. I could already feel my shoulder muscles knotting together, absorbing the stress of trying to walk.

I took a breather in front of one of the market stalls. A vendor was setting up her plants and flowers for the day and she smiled at me. She was a large woman with bright blue eyes, curling blond hair and a happy smile.

The following conversation took place in French. While I can speak it, I can’t spell it to save my life, so forgive me if I massacre it to pieces. I’ll provide translation for those who don’t know French at all.

“Bonjour,” she said. Hello.

“Bonjour.” I replied, smiling as much as I could.

“Vous et malade?” she asked. Are you sick?

“Non,” I said. “J’ai un petit grippe dans mon jambre.” I said. My legs are sore.

“Oh,” she said. “Es-qu vous et boisson des Tylonol? Un cafe?” Do you want some Tylonol? A coffee? Here, she gestured to a thermos that I knew held her days supply of coffee. For her to offer some to me seemed like a blessing.

I shook my head and smiled at her. “Non, merci Madamme. Vous et tres gentil.” No, thank you, M’am. You are very generous.

“C’est rein, Monsieur.” It’s nothing. “Faite attention aujourd’hui et passe un belle journe Monsieur.” Be careful today and have a beautiful day, Sir.

“Et vous aussi, Madamme.” You too, M’am.

I walked away from her feeling better. Such a simple gesture, someone offering me her coffee or something to take away my pain, seemed wondrous.

That a stranger would reach out to me lifted my spirits greatly. That she would be concerned enough to inquire about my welfare seemed foreign.

It says a lot about our society that I was so shocked and thrown off balance by such a brief exchange of words.

I don’t know if she will ever realize how much she did for me with her simple act of kindness.

It was only when I got to work that I noticed my legs didn’t hurt anymore.

You can read more on Jamieson’s blog at One Step at a Time

Pornography and Christians

This post, written by “Alone” about her struggles with pornography online, has been a very popular site to view this week. Todd Rhoades at Monday Morning Insight, has just written a post titled, The Silent Killer in Our Churches that takes an eye-opening look at pornography and Christians. Thought you might be interested…

It’s all what you focus on

Post written by: Kari

So here goes.  I’m not little miss perfect, and I don’t claim to be.  I’ve
had my share of disappointments and hardships.  I grew up in a home with an
alcoholic father who was always on the brink of “sobering up.”  (Except it
hasn’t actually happened yet.)  My mom and him are not together anymore
(definitely for the better,) and truthfully, I’ve repressed so many memories
that I couldn’t even tell you when they split.  When I was younger
(elementary/middle school) I was ashamed of my family.  I got so good at
hiding the truth that my dad was gone for a year and my friends didn’t even
know there was a problem.  It’s not that I ever flat out lied (those of you
that know me know I’m the WORST liar everrrr) but I never told the whole
truth.

So I guess the point of the previous paragraph is to prove to all you
readers out there that I have not lived the fairy tale life…  With that
being said, I don’t understand why people can’t focus more on the good than
the bad.  I mean, there are many things in life that stink, and most of the
time you can’t control them.  Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies…
but why are people so obsessed with focusing on the bad things… or better
yet, the things they can’t control?  Why don’t people spend more time
focusing on the things that are good and/or positive in their life, and the
situations they can control!?  I’m not saying people should pretend the bad
or uncontrollable don’t exist, but I think it’s depressing and somewhat
pointless to put so much energy into worrying about something you can’t
control or something that makes you sad.

*Worry is interest paid on a debt you may never have*

Continuing on about my dad… I’m not ashamed any more because through the
years I’ve realized that I’m not the only one with a dysfunctional family.
I would never trade my childhood because while I’ve had my share of
disappointments, I’ve had just as many, if not more, moments of pure joy.  I
grew up in the greatest neighborhood EVER and had so much fun being a kid.
What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.  Watching my mom struggle
through the years has also made me respect her strength and perseverence.
It has also taught me a lot about myself, my morals and beliefs and what I
want out of a relationship/marriage in the future.  It still hurts sometimes
when I think that my dad chose “that” way of life over our family, but the
whole process only made me agile and resilient. 🙂

We are all put in tough situations, but how you cope under pressure is 99%
of the battle.  Think ahead and focus on the positive things!  Stop worrying
about things you cannot control.  Everything happens for a reason and what
doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger!

Secrets?!

Post written by: Rindy

Calling all bloggers who read this site—in need of posts—only have a few waiting to be published! Please submit your posts to sharingburdens@gmail.com   Remember, you can post with your name, an alias, or anonymously! I’ve received a lot of positive feedback on this site…please help to keep it going! All topics, big and small are important!!!!

To lighten it up a little, I want to share a couple of funny “secrets” stories I found in a post written by bellevelma titled Shh..It’s a Secret! I hope they give you a little laugh today…

Have your kids ever gotten things a little mixed up like this?: “When my niece was 3 years old she was waiting with her mother to walk her sister home from school.  While they stood there, waiting for school to let out and surrounded by other parents who were also waiting for their children, my niece proclaimed in her loudest 3 year old voice, “Mom, your breath smells like beer!”  My horrified sister-in-law corrected her: “You mean my breath smells like baloney,” she said, slightly louder than necessary.  She’d just finished a baloney sandwich a half hour prior. She claims that ever since that incident, the other parents seemed to pay her just a bit more attention.  They’ve been watching, perhaps, to see if she appeared at all tipsy there in the middle of the afternoon.”

Or maybe this one: “there’s this event shared with me by one of my friends.  His 3-year old daughter got to spend some time with her Uncle recently.  Her Uncle is a magician.  For real.  That’s his job!  I don’t know if he’s on T.V. or in the circus, or travels around the country with carnivals, or what, I’ve never met him.  But he’s got a bag of magic tricks, and he entertained my friend’s daughter with them.  She, in turn, was so astonished that she told her preschool teachers all about it.  And they, in turn, were so taken aback that they questioned my friend’s wife when she went to pick their daughter up at the end of the day.  They pulled her aside and said, “Your daughter was telling us that her Uncle… um… makes his balls disappear…” I do believe she set them straight.”

If you have kids, work with kids, or have ever heard kids, you have experienced their uncanny ability to reveal some very interesting things when it’s all quiet, at the worst possible times, when everyone is around and all attention is on them! I guess the only relief is that it happens to us all!!

Pornography: one woman looks

Post written by: Alone 

I am a single adult female. I wish I could find a man to love me but that has not happened. I am active in church, I love the Lord, I have many friends, but at night I am alone.

I like men. I have desires. I started looking at porn on the internet. It started one night after a date that didn’t go as planned. I liked him, but he didn’t have the same feelings. I got discouraged and lonely. I started imagining what it would be like for a man to want me. At first I looked a little, then I read stories, and I enjoyed it. But I felt a little guilty. A few nights ago I went into a chat room. Here were live men wanting to talk to me. No one would know. I started talking to a few men. It was exciting.

One man was particularly interested and asked if I wanted to cyber. I had an idea of what that meant, but I didn’t know for sure. I had never done this before. Cyber is short for cybersex. Anything goes and soon we were having a very X-rated chat.

I have needs. I have desires. Is that wrong? Part of me is guilty, but part of me enjoyed it. I live alone so it’s not like there is anyone who will ever find out. But this is not what God wants. I am angry at myself for following my urges but I am not sure I won’t do it again.

Am I the only one who has done this? Am I the only Christian who feels this way? How do I stop these feelings? The temptation to go back to the chat room will not go away. What do I do? I have prayed for God to forgive me. I have prayed for God to stop me from doing anything that he does not want me to do. I don’t know what else to do. Is there anyone else who struggles with this or am I the only one?